For many years now I have made the choice to not grow up. I refuse to have blue hair or wear purple and red. It’s never gonna happen. I cringe at the thought of  dentures, the clapper and elastic stockings.  For me the thought of growing old makes me remember the smell of the nursing home where my grandmother unfortunately stayed for a few weeks back in 1983. One day I went to visit her and she begged me to let her come home. It wasn’t me that had put her there, but it was me who got her out and took care of her until she passed away seven months later.

So as for not wanting to grow up, I’ve done pretty well. But I’ve done it wrong. If you remember back a few posts I mentioned that I’m reading a motivational book that promises to help me find my strengths. It has turned out so far to be one of the best self help books I’ve read. The author doesn’t gloss over the words with any promise of shiny, sparkly, sunshine rainbows, but rather tells it like it is. I kinda like that.  And while I do have faith in my life and believe in a higher power, there are no promises of heaven, hell, or any existence of God and his or her effect on the outcome of my success. I kinda like that too.

The first lesson was to take full responsibility for my life. No blaming other people for where I am or who I have become. I can’t blame my parents, by ex’s, my friends, my co-workers, neighbors or anyone except myself. Any and all hurtful, painful, embarrassing situations have to be thrown aside. Relinquish the past to the past. To quote, “Each day a new beginning”. So in taking responsibility for myself all I can do is move forward.

And here I go.

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