Lately i feel as if I’m going to crawl out of my own skin. I’m extremely nervous and holding all of my feelings inside because I can’t afford to lose control.

I’m so angry. And bitter. I hate myself. I hate this whole fucked up mess of my life. I know I’m trying to change but dammit I’m not perfect. If I regress should I condemn myself. There are so many demons inside of me. I’m mad as hell. I hate the fact that Michael and Kelly took Aiden and moved away. I hate that Alicia abandoned me when I needed her most.

My mind cannot function the way everyone thinks it should. I need some help and have no support. Between the whole food stamp issue and lack of medical care not to mention my teeth. It just is really shitty. And the world is so fucked up.

I can’t sleep at night because I think about all of the bad stuff I’ve done. And I can’t sleep because I’m afraid I’m going to die alone. I have no one really. If I wasn’t living here with my friends and was on my own no one would miss me. I’d lie dead for days before someone would smell the stink.  I think I’m being punished via karma right now for my sins. I pray, and pray and it won’t go away.